Yarr! – The Weblog of Bob Heffernan

I just finished a Double Decker (a Cadbury’s candy bar.) I enjoyed it, it gave the impression of being almost entirely artificial. I like that in confectionery. If I wanted something nature provided I’d go eat a banana. No sir, I want something where one would need to have a degree in chemistry to understand the list of ingredients and a degree in toxicology to recognise the danger.

Excepting a somewhat suspect beginning he Dylan gig was brilliant. I don’t think I need say much more, do you really want another person telling you how brilliant Dylan is? You already know and I appreciate that. I respect your intelligence, really I do. Now, if only you would wash a little more…

I must start making posts to this blog thing a little more regularly. I want to talk a little about Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punisment (which I just finished) and I also have a discussion about Haruki Murakami to continue.

Stay tuned.

Well. My father and I could not stand the torment of having the chance to see Mr. Dylan removed from us. The emotional turmoil was almost unbearable, the pain insufferable, the anguish unendurable. Even the monkey was beginning to show signs of sympathy. So, action was taken. Prompt and efficient are we. Within a few hours of our initial let-down we had managed to procure two tickets to see Bob in London next Monday, as well as relatively cheap flights to accompany these.

Yes! I am going to see Bob Dylan live in concert after all. My effervescence is renewed. Yarr!

Let’s hope he doesn’t cancel this time.

The Dylan gig was cancelled.

There are no words to express my disappointment.

I’m going to see Bob Dylan live in Millstreet tonight. If I get any more excited I will probably lose bladder control. That would leave an awful smell in the cubicle for my coworkers to deal with. The smell would probably become unbearable by the evening. Of course, there’s the matter of the stain on the carpet. Just to top it all off the smell and stain would probably upset the trained monkey to no end, causing him to throw bananas at passers by while shouting obscenities and rudely blowing cigarette smoke into the faces of pretty young women.

Still, Bob Dylan! Weeeeeee!!!!!!

You know something is happening but you don’t know what it is! Do you, Mr Jones?

Ah, it’s been a while. I’ve been busy. But, now I’m back! I’ve been spurred into action by my first negative comment! It seems that in a short few weeks and a handful of posts I’ve managed to annoy somebody enough that they took the time to write me and tell me about it. Oooh, much more of this and I’ll have a swollen head. My parents would be so proud! Hi mom!

The comment is from Styr, who is a member of the CIT Websoc, or so it would seem. The comment may be found here.

Styr took the time to accuse me of being both hypocritical and lame “for trying to tell other people that you are showing a boring side to your personality”. Of course, seeing as this is my blog, I’m going to retort. Why? Because I can!!.

To address the accusation of ‘lameness’ (why lameness and not ‘lameity’?, or ‘lameosity’ perhaps?) I stand guilty as charged. I’m as lame as a paraplegic with a broken crutch in a pit of quicksand in the middle of an earthquake, as lame as a catatonic squid, as lame as a llama who’s drank a little bit too much premium single malt scotch whisky through a straw. It’s true! I realised I was boring and then blamed the blog for it, implying that the blog had conjured up a boring side to me that had never existed until now. In doing so I fooled you, the unsuspecting public, into thinking that I might actually be interesting outside of the blog. Shame on me! I’ll bet you guys are glad to have conscientious people like Styr around to inform you of my spurious lies. You see, as a member of a Websoc, Styr cares deeply about such things. In my defence, I did imply that a more interesting side to me might appear in future blog posts. Perhaps it will, and then I’ll be proved right! Hah! So there!! And then you will all love me and buy me gifts. I’ve always wanted a monkey that would cook me breakfast and clean my bedroom.

On the other hand, the accusation of hypocrisy is a little unfounded. I never accused bloggers of being boring except in a jocular fashion (see this post where I refer to the ‘true blog style’, or here when I talk about a ‘frequent criticism of blogs’, if you really care). It’s also worth pointing out that blogs being ‘boring’ wasn’t one of my criticisms of blogging (which are dealt with here and here). In fact, I’ve become almost obsessed with some blogs that would bore most sane people to tears. It’s like an addiction.

Well Styr, thank you for your comment. It might seem like I’m making fun of you here, I’m not really. I just find it amusing that you felt the need to share your feelings with me. :) Yours has been my third comment. I’m flattered really.

It would seem Donncha, the Olympian mind that gave b2++ (as well as blogs.linux.ie) to us mere mortals, has mentioned me in his blog. :) I blushed, sniggered a little at the usage of the word concise in the same paragraph as my name and then immediately went to blog about the event (but of course!). I’m getting good at this am I not?

Recognition! Soon I shall rule you all!

(You should really begin to practice your cowering now. I tolerate only a good cower.)

My one qualm so far has not been that I’ve been too pretentious (I’m used to this now. I’ve made peace with myself. I blame society, really) but the fact that I’ve so far been overly serious. This is very unlike me. So unlike me that I think perhaps this blog has unleashed unto the world a rather boring personality I had been previously unaware of. I don’t think this situation will last long. When it comes to personalities I have lots of them, and most of us are about as serious as a monkey in pajamas.

Haruki Murakami. What can I say? He has been variously described as one of Japan’s leading 20^th Century novelists and even one of the world’s greatest living novelists. He has won renown for being probably the most popular novelistof the past 15 years in Japan (his novel Norwegian Wood accomplished this) as well as being perhaps one of the few Japanese authors to become popular in the West. He has scorned Japanese literary tradition, filling his novels with reference to Western (and, in particular, American) culture. He has avoided celebrity, even to the extent of moving out of Japan for 10 years after Norwegian Wood catapulted him to unwanted fame at home.

All this is unimportant to me. Not so long ago I stumbled across a short story named Airplane by a Japanese author named Murakami. The story enthralled me, I had never read anything quite like it. A quick web-search revealed an online copy of an out-of-print novel of his named Pinball, 1972. I read it and have been feeding my craving for more Murakami ever since.

I’ve come to the conclusion that’s not the themes he deals with that enthrall me so, they’re interesting, mostly vaguely postmodern (if I may be so pretentious as to use the term.) I think I shall devote a future post to my analysis of his themes, they sum up quite nicely what I feel to be defining ingredients in the ‘postmodern’ novel. It’s not the way in which he portrays his characters. It’s not even the stories he tells. I am fascinated because Murakami seems to approach things from a unique perspective that seems to innately make much sense to me. Even when he says something that I disagree with, the way in which he says it rarely fails to strike a chord. It’s a quite wonderful thing.

And what can I say about his language? While at first glance it would appear to be simplicity itself, the flow of it is rarely short of beautiful, often even breathtaking. Above all, he writes in a style that is as unique as any I have ever come across. I think an example is the best way to illustrate my point. The following is a short quote from Pinball, 1973:

Everybody was up to here in troubles, it seemed. Trouble fell like rain from the heavens, and we just couldn’t get enough of it. We went around picking up the stuff and cramming our pockets full of it. Even now I can’t figure out why we persisted in doing that. Maybe we mistook it for something else.

I think I would like to devote a few future posts to my thoughts on his style, his themes and perhaps also his unique use of metaphor and simile. This can all lead up to my thoughts on novels in general, how they reflect popular thought and what the next thematic trend is likely to be (all in my oh-so-humble and none-too-qualified opinion of course).

It would be better, however, to first give a few links:

Pinball, 1973
* Murakami’s second novel, now out of print. This has been my favourite so far.

Airplane
* The short story that started it all for me.

Jazz Coffee Shop
* This site contains many of Murakami’s stories translated into English.

I would post a review of Matrix: Revolutions but I think I should hold off for a few days at least. Firstly, to give people a chance to see it and secondly to store up an appropriate amount of invective. It will be more fun that way.

But, what to post then? I’ve been reading some stories by Haruki Murakami. I might post something about him later on, he’s an obsession of mine as of late.

There may be more. It depends on whether or not my befuddled little mind can bring itself to be coherent, if only briefly so. I can imagine the thousands of people now, waiting at the edge of their seats, unable to breathe regularly, giving themselves carpal tunnel syndrome clicking reload waiting for my next post. The tension is palpable, really it is. I’m flattered to be honest, I didn’t realise you people loved me so much. Thank you, you’ve made my life worth living.

Seeing as I mentioned Wiki as the future of the Internet yesterday I had may as well post some links. I’m always surprised at how many people are unaware that this whole ‘collabortive’ things exists..

Wikipedia
* Probably the coolest site ever. An encyclopedia by the people for the people. Incredible.

The original Wiki Wiki Web
* This is the site that started it all, as far as I’m aware. Describes itself as a wiki about the history of programming ideas.

h2g2
* The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. This is one of the earlier examples of a wiki-like website that I remember. It’s run by the BBC now, which has it’s issues. Still, it was a very original idea in it’s day.

Everything2
* Another very early wiki-like site. This one is still going strong, it can be fun to browse although I’ve never been motivated to write anything for it.

Sensei’s Library
* A wiki about the game of Go. Cool.

There are lots of others no doubt. I am of the form opinion that the wikipedia is one of the most important site on the web today. Mnemosyne incarnate. The quality of information in there is excellent and things can only get better.

A few other things that used to (still do?) annoy me about blogs/bloggers:

They’re cliquish and often claim to be a subculture. The cliquish bit is generally annoying about anybody. Bloggers often respond like a rabid dog whom you’ve just smacked on the face with a large steak when you criticise anything about blogging. A frequent criticism is “you guys are a bunch of naval gazing neurotics who would bore the ears off a quadriplegic sloth.” Come on! It’s often true. I prefer bloggers who treat blogging as a hobby rather than as a lifestyle. As to being a subculture! I just don’t agree. Actually, I think bloggers would be best to drop this attitude and realise that blogging is not only not-a-subculture, it’s much more than a subculture, it’s something that brings people from many disparate cultures and subcultures together and allows them to express themselves to those from other (sub)cultures with a striking lack of boundaries.

They invent awful words “Blog”. “Blogger”. “Blogosphere”!! I’m ashamed to have to use these words to express myself. It makes me feel unclean. A few weeks of this and I’ll be scrubbing myself down with steel-wool and sulphuric acid after every post. I’m not sure who to blame, perhaps ‘bloggers’ didn’t invent the word ‘blog’ or any of it’s derivatives. Maybe it was some incompetent nimrod of a journalist or something. I’d be happier if that were true, then I could blame society.

Of course, I’m speaking of ‘bloggers’ as if this term encompassed all of those who keep a blog. I don’t tar them all with the same brush, I’ve read some excellent blogs that have do not have a cliquish attitude, nor have they convinced themselves they are the instigators of and the protagonists in some sort of incredible Internet revolution. They just like to express their opinions. They often do so very well, in a far more concise manner than I am capable of.

My, I do go on don’t I?